10 Minutes Only #7
today's topic: free write
ICYMI: I’m starting a new series to help overcome my perfectionism in which I have 10 minutes and 10 minutes ONLY to write something and post it. Please comment topic ideas to keep me going, if you so please! The timer starts now.
It is currently 11:10 pm and I am quite exhausted, so I don’t have a creative one in me tonight. But I do want to tell you about my day!
I just got back from seeing my lovely friend Kevin Atwater play an excellent show at the Troubadour. He was so fucking good, and created such a lovely space. I love when I have friends who are good and talented people - it’s really a special thing. I spent a lot of this day kind of down because I was sleeping A LOT and that always bums me out, so I needed a pick me up like this show.
I have such an annoying and complicated relationship to sleep. Insomnia runs in my family, and so does depression, so the pendulum of my circadian rhythm is constantly swinging back and forth between eyes-wide-open sleeplessness and glued-to-the-bed fatigue. One time in college it got so bad that I had to start seeing a sleep therapist, briefly. I was sleeping through all my morning classes, and I was constantly exhausted. One time I slept til 4 pm and only woke up then because my friends were banging on my door because my mom called to see if I was alive.
I find oversleeping worse than not sleeping enough, because the exhaustion never ends. It zombifies me way more than insomnia. When you sleep too much, all you want to do is keep sleeping. Life gets covered in this hazy film, and your body grows heavy. That’s what today has felt like. I always experience so much guilt about it. Guilt is a big thing for me when it comes to sleep. In fact, I wake up in a panic most mornings because until I check what time it is, I never know if I’ve slept through something important. It feels awful.
But FRIENDSHIP and GOOD MUSIC can make you feel ALIVE!!! I had a lovely time at the show. And on the way back, I listened to the new Lorde song that came out tonight… god, what a great day to be a girl named Ella who was also born on November 7th. Lorde reminds me why I love pop music so much. She infuses the genre with so much depth and vibrance. She was the reason I started writing, and every time I listen, I want to write again. Not a lot can make me feel that way!
Perfect timing… my 10 minutes are up. Love you guys and I love Lorde and I love Kevin. Mwah. <3
I love you and Kevin! He’s from a town very close to my hometown and seeing that you guys were friends genuinely felt like such an affirming thing- how cool it is to know good people who make beautiful things! Ik exactly what you mean!
this could not have been a more perfect topic yesterday as I overslept through my work shift and a doctors appt and then was also late to class this morning. getting my masters degree has not been for the weak but i also find solace in music during the hard times! (i also never thought of seeing a sleep therapist so thank u for that idea)